Geez. Let me tell you first that this week has been a doozy. You can skip this top part if you don’t care to know the context of my stress…
You see, I’m a federal, remote worker. That means that I my career is being targeted in not one, not two, but three different ways. Let me also tell you that I struggle with anxiety. I’ve really been struggling with the changes coming down the pipeline so I’m going to address those first so you have a little context.
Job classifications are changing to eliminate all traces of DEI. -This doesn’t directly impact me as I was hired under a veteran’s preference, which is not affiliated with DEI.
A “Reduction in Force” is taking place, which means all jobs are subject to extra scrutiny. – In the last quarter, my specific division had our highest compliance rating in the history of the program. I feel like that’s got to give us some bonus points somewhere!
But finally, remote workers were ordered to return to office. I was hired as a fully remote employee and my home office is in Washington, DC (i.e. a plane ride commute!). The alternative to moving is being co-mingled with other agencies in cubicles.
So, now that you know that…understand that all of these changes have been thrown my way in less than two weeks. NOW federal workers have been offered a “deferred resignation” as a way to thin out the ranks and reduce the workers that have remote positions that may be protected by union contracts.
The deferred resignation is its own little ball of anxiety that I am really having a hard time unpacking. I’ve been praying that God would intercede on my behalf, help me course correct when needed, and provide me with discernment to make decisions that meet my family’s needs.
This is where those thoughts mentioned in the title comes in….Yesterday, I’m sitting at my desk combing through the little bit of information available on the above:
At 2:00 I whispered to myself, “I’m going to need a drink after this day!” I just had so many concerns with all of the changes happening. I was overwhelmed and overstressed.
At 2:03 the gingers ran up to me and said, “Are we going to Worship Night tonight?” (We do NOT go to worship nights or concerts, festivals, crowds, etc.. Ginger 1 has some strong feelings about crowds and noise and often has to leave. It’s just a standing rule that worship nights are off the table for our family.) I explained what the worship night was and said that we weren’t going. Both gingers were so upset and repeatedly told me they wanted to go.
Umm…Thanks God! I get the message! It’s probably in my best interest to hit up worship night and keep the bottle put away!
You see, with all of the stress from the week, I’ve missed out on my relationship with the creator. Matthew 6:33 tells us, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added you.” and Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” 2 Chronicles 15:4 says, “But in their distress, they turned to the Lord, the God of Israel, and sought him, and he was found by them.”
Elevation Worship gives it to us strong, singing, “I trust in God, my Savior; The one who will never fail. He didn’t fail you then. He won’t fail you now. I sought the Lord and he heard and he answered.” If you haven’t heard it, just prepare yourself. It hits hard!
I am here to tell you today that when you seek the Lord, when you knock on his door, he answers! He hears you and he answers!
So, worship night was…GOOD. Ugh, it was one of those services that just fills your cup. I was surrounded by good, God fearing, holy people. When I hit my knees, pouring out to God all of my stress, those people stood in the gaps for me, praying words I couldn’t even get out of my brain. The Holy Spirit MOVED in that place and I know that I was not the only one feeling it.
To take the focus off of me for a moment: the kids asked if they would be allowed to dance during worship (because we DANCE during worship in the kids service). Of course I said yes. They danced a little but they worshiped so much. Seeing those babies with their hands raised up in worship, laying hands on their friends going through such a huge range of childhood issues from actual trauma to middle school drama. Those babies were covering each other in prayer and I’ve never felt anything more powerful than to see my girls praying over their friends AND ADULTS!
I guess what I want you to take from this is to not let the stress of your week interfere with your relationship with God. Let God interfere with the stress of your week! (hmm…that’s good. I’m going to have to remember that one!)
Also, I quit my job yesterday. So there’s that! (More to come on those details when I get them!)